All my Chinese students have English names as well as their birth name, usually picked by themselves. My favourite name so far is *Cinderella* and yes she does know all about the Ugly Sisters. 

………..After a couple of hours the guy on the gate waved to me and gave me a key. But not MY key. Still it was a key to an empty apartment so somewhere to sleep. I was just dozing off when I heard a familiar buzzing sound. Mosquitoes. With commendable forethought I had packed a can of repellant which was er….locked in my room. I was covered in bites by the morning and hell did they itch. ( A little Ed Miliband-speak for you there ). By lunchtime I had commandeered a student who took me to the Chinese medicine shop where they sold me a potion. Very good stuff, it smells a bit like Vick.

After a few disasters I’m settling in nicely. After losing and finally regaining my luggage, I was in Shanghai and my suitcase was in Frankfurt, I got into my apartment. Its nice, when I’ve figured out how to post pictures I’ll show you. 

I got here late on a Friday and found out that Monday was a holiday, *Tomb Sweeping day* apparently, so I had three days to prepare some lessons, find the shops and generally explore. I did some work on Saturday morning and decided to have a cigarette on the shared balcony. I went to go back in and realised that I’d locked myself out of my apartment. ( Yes I know a minor inconvenience. ) I contacted admin and they said they’d send someone round with a key. 30 minutes later a Chinese guy arrived, looked at the lock, shook his head sadly and went away. I got back to Admin to be told that they would get a key to me……on Tuesday !!  Because it was the holidays natch.  It was starting to dawn on me that I was in a mess, no phone, no money, no nothing apart from a packet of fags. The American guy next door took pity on me and lent me some money and I contemplated sleeping on the balcony………..

I haven’t had toothache for maybe ten years. NOW it starts. I’m trying Aspirin mixed with Ibuprofen (Thanks Charlie) but I’ve got a feeling that soon I will be able to get a close up look at the state of Chinese dentistry.. I will of course report back…..

Well if you’re reading this thanks for being so patient. i couldn’t blog whilst I was in China as it was attached to Twitter and the CCP aren’t exactly fond of Google for Er…some reason. I’m flying back to China tomorrow but let me tell you a bit about my month in Zhuhai on the South Coast of China ; barely a spit away from Hong Kong.

I went at least partly to get a TEFL qualification as a sort of insurance, but really I wanted to see whether I could live there. Apparently some Westerners get on the first plane back, others tolerate China and some love it. I was in the latter category. 

For the first couple of days when I got there, I couldn’t quite place what was so very different from the West. Then I realised. Downtown Zhuhai, not a big city in Chinese terms makes London in the rush hour seem quiet. Everywhere there was noise. A constant hooting of car horns was the least of it. Every tiny little shop, and there are a lot of them, had what looked like a Marshall stack Amp (If you know what that is, it dates you) outside playing music. Usually bad American music. I say bad. That awful dirge from * Titanic * seemed to be polluting the air a lot of the time but occasionally sentimentality got the better of me. The school that I was at encouraged the kids to collectively sing Karaoke style in front of a screen to improve their colloquial English. One night whilst I was sitting in a bar near the school with some teaching colleagues I heard the strains of The Carpenter’s ” It’s yesterday once more”. To hear maybe 50 Chinese kids sing ” Every sha la la, every woa wo wo ” moved me immensely. Or perhaps it was just the beer…..

So why does a chap in his Fifties suddenly decide to go to China. Well, read on, and if there’s nobody reading perhaps I can explain it to myself.
I’ve been fortunate in life, after a succession of crappy jobs I managed to get to Ruskin College, Oxford, where I learned a lot and had a great time and then Cambridge University where Er I learnt a lot. For the last 20 years or so I’ve had 2 teaching jobs, one at the Open University and another at Bellerbys College, Cambridge. So far so mundane ! I’ve always been fascinated with China. Partly due to teaching many Chinese students I learnt more about China. And China truly is another culture. A staggeringly complex language and a pretty much totally different way of life to here in the West. As far as my preparation is concerned I’m reading lots. Much about living in China, some of that’s been an eye opener and I like to feel I’ve prepared myself. Vital I think to embrace the new and not permit my self to miss things from back home. So that first squat toilet will be fabulous.

I’ve also been battling with the language. When I heard there were 4 tones in Mandarin I thought that’s pretty tough until I found out there were 9 in Cantonese. I think I’ve got a few phrases off now : Ni hao, ni hao ma ? ( the auto-correct didn’t like that ) but get the wrong tone and you’ve called your mother a horse. Well I go tomorrow. Heathrow to Guangzhou via Doha. And what splendid friends I’ve got. Two of them are driving me to Heathrow, another is having what he refers to as a last coffee at a Terminal 4 with me. Sounds a tad funereal but a nice gesture. And when I get to Guangzhou the only person in China I know will be meeting me off the plane and making sure I get on the right bus. I met her doing Voluntary work in Milton Keynes. We made friends over a couple of Malt whiskies. I’ve promised her a bottle so I hope they do some peaty ones at duty free.

At present I’m sitting in my room trying to pack. All the stuff I seem to be taking. Apparently anti-diarrhoea tablets are a must. And Lem-sip. Which are so good I’m tempted to take them when I’m well.

Ever tried to get a Chinese Visa? Don’t. Well having said that I don’t have a choice. At this moment I am waiting for a scanned copy of a detailed letter to take to some nice folk in London who will charge me a great deal of money to process the Visa Form.